Back at it.

I've been wanting to get back to blogging for awhile now. I have had so much going on, I really didn't know where to start. I didn't feel I was in a good place to have others read my thoughts, or that anyone person out there could possibly relate to my predicament, because lets face it, I really have done it this time. However, after pondering and reflecting I decided that being in this vulnerable spot would create a footprint for me. Something to come back and look to after I go through this journey I've set out on. So tonight I start with this, I sit here vulnerable, not knowing what the future holds, what relationships I will grow with or apart from. I question myself so many times it's unreal. It's as if I have two different sides to me. The values I was brought up with, and the current me, who I've become and I struggle between the two. I want to put my foot down and say I will not tolerate certain things, yet my core values teach me that family is everything and I need to endure the toxic relationships, it is a part of the package. Recently I have found the courage through my life coach and some of my closest confidants to take this step to distance myself from toxic relationships. This has not been easy, as my guilt has weighed so heavily that it can be hard to breathe at times, but here I am, breathing...
I'm hurt because of the consequences that comes with cutting off certain toxic relationships. In my relam it means severing one of the healthiest, strongest relationships, and that is devastating. But here I am with two questions... What can you live with? What can you leave behind? I'm still figuring this out. Until next time, but I promise next time won't be as long.